What is beer and what is not beer?

So I've been hearing on the radio that canadians are tending to switch to light beer as their main source of drunkenness or lack thereof. Well that's just the most unpatriotic thing I've ever heard. 'light' beer? Why not just skip beer altogether? Have a glass of juice, lightweight, because you're DD-ing us all home. Us real canadians who are subsisting on real booze.

If you would indulge me I have created a graph to this effect:

As you can see very clearly see from this graph (or not so clearly you may have squint a little) Pauly Shore is only manly enough to drink a beer like miller light. Which as I've been told is as such:

Miller Light has an Alcoholic content that is either less than or equal to your standard glass of water. Anyways as you can see from the graph Pauly Shore is less manly than Sean Bean who is less manly than Maddox. Therefore Maddox would prefer a Dark, thick, loaf of bread in a glass Guinness beer and Sean Bean would like a nice wholesome Molson Canadian.

So you may be wondering what my point is... um.. don't be like Pauly Shore. Light beer? No. Coolers? *chick-chick BOOM* Be a man. Drink real man beer. I'm looking at you, wayne.