Sunday, November 26, 2006

It's an Onion, Max

Chris is on a diet, diet, diet. Nothing but raw eggs and cups of vinegar. Look it up. For the next few weeks I will be giving up the wonderous carbs and..sugars.. that food has to offer and replace it with some hardcore fruits and vegetables, and again, raw eggs. Protein, beeyatch! why am I doing this after so many years of being the 'for every animal you dont eat I'll eat three' type? For a freaking woman. ok? Yeah a woman. The hell do you want from me. Honestly I come on your cheap ass show and pour my heart out and... I've just been informed that ANDERXPLUS SEQUEL TO VS THE FREE WORLD, or NAMBLA, is in fact, MY website. In that case I will humbly withdraw my previous statement and substitute this one: Because it's worth it.
Ah the things I do for love. Err.. lust. As bad as it sounds it's not like I'm trying to write a good poem here know what I'm saying? If you want to become a learned reader you don't go out and buy a stack of Pancakes, am I right?
BTW Anyone who says that a book, consisting of the word "bug" written on a waffle in syrup is too long for a book, needs a foot up their ass. Props to whoever can name that reference.
So yeah, I finally got around to the old Onionmax number 5. Originally it was going to be about the election using a classic picture. But I didn't really like that idea. However I still love the picture, it's still a classic. so as I go, I shall reintroduce:

Until the End...


Monday, November 13, 2006


Homework is teh blow. I'll have an update later on I'm really busy with college work right now...

Sunday, November 05, 2006

My balls have pushed me over the limit

Lak of updates due to the fact that I havent been able to find anything good to put on the onionmax cover.. And believe me I have been searching. See, the process is as such: I find a picture, the inspiration flows like blood from my shoe after sacking a girl scout when she wants me to pay for those cookies I just scarfed. And so far I havent found any kind of interesting image. Except for the upcoming mid term elections... the problem with that one though is that I don't give a damn about mid term elections. Bush vs Everyone? C'mon, get an original topic.

Y'know what? yeah. I can barely even turn on the tv and switch to lesbian cage fighting without briefly coming across a news report about how some dumbass politician said something stupid and now everyone must know because it apparently means life and death for everything including you and I. Kerry said Soldiers in Iraq are stupid: who the hell cares? What difference does it make except to him? Is Kerry even running? Someone clear that up for me. In fact it's been noted that he actually meant to slander Bush 'you [neglect education] and then you have us in Iraq' or along the likes. Oh my god! He made fun of the president! Call the IRS, Call the FBI, call anyone you can to have him taken away because apparently no one has ever openly slandered George Dubya before then.

See this is what pisses me off the most about politics today. It's no longer about "I'm the best candidate because..." All the best press (and I use best loosely because everyone should note that anything that comes out of the majority of news programs are biased contrived bullshit anyway. 'Coming up at nine, the cutest little puppy halloween costume you've ever seen!" Please someone gut my brain) goes to "This is why you shouldn't vote for him..." [yeah I said 'him', sue me. No I won't say 'him or her' because that sounds stupid. No one in the universe has ever said 'him or her' when speaking of another specific person because if they did, they'd have been labeled mentally handicapped and pushed into oncoming traffic...or giving an english degree] So politics is no longer about why you should vote, it's why you shouldn't;to summarize.

You wonder why youths don't want to vote? It's because they're lazy. But you wonder why smart people like me won't vote? it's because I'm tired of this slandering bullshit. Get a new platform, rise higher than slander. grow a fucking pair and start talking about why you are the best.

I'd continue but now I've gone and soiled myself.